gary crimble and many rudolph

I trust all had a Happy Crimble and got lots of great crimbo pressies and such.
The days and weeks leading up to the holidays sap almost all of whatever energy I have to begin with. It seems like some twisted crewel joke perpetrated upon us by God himself as we chase the happiness and joy of our childhood like a dog chasing its tail. Our financial resources and our sanity are drained as we walk around like zombies. Our love for humanity is tested as we sit in endless traffic in horrible weather searching for parking and just the right gift for Aunt Millie. Normally sane people are seen tearing through stop signs and red lights screaming and gesturing obscenities, shoving people out of their way in store after store full of screaming babies and cashiers that are so emotionally drained that they can barely speak.
Well the great day came and went and looking back it wasn't so bad at all, in fact it was a gas. It was nice to see family and friends and hear all the stories and jokes and eat all the great food and cookies and pies.
[Just as I dare to smile, New Year's Eve and the great omnipotent time keeper begins to laugh]

revealing

They shut down at work this afternoon because of the snow storm, frankly I was hoping for that to happen. Counting on it so I could do absolutely nothing all day today. I did accomplish this task.
Someone is outside shoveling the walkway. Isn't that nice.
I just watched Jerry Seinfeld on Letterman. He was a little rusty but very funny. Earlier Paul Shaffer mocked Jerry's unique delivery style [what's the deal with....] [....who are these people?] and trademark whiny voice. And that was funny. Now there is a lady singing, she's pretty good.
I haven't done any Christmas shopping because I haven't yet found the motivation. I'll get it all taken care of and straightened away though soon. You'll see. No worries.
From my apartment I can hear an army of snow plows out on I-95. The highway is about 40 yards from where I am sitting now. I know this because I used Google Earth to measure the distance. I wonder how bad the roads are.
The boss wants me to work tomorrow. I should but probably wont. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life but tomorrow never gets here.

upward

Man i gotta get back on the Zoloft.
I was all upset tonight driving around being mad about making no money. Started getting wicked depressed. I really hate December and you may say bah humbug if you're into silly little cliches. I don't dislike Christmas, rather I find it and Christians in general quite amusing little people.

I was talking to the boss today and I asked him, "Hey Assface, why do you keep on hiring so many new drivers when the pie is already way to small for us what have been here all along?" He suggested that if I was uncomfortable with the current situation that perhaps I should leave and find something else. Seventeen years of showing up every day means nothing. Should I get any preferential treatment over someone who has been here for 3 weeks? Nope.

Well, the night proceeded as usual with almost no work. No one has any money. Nobody is taking any cabs unless they have absolutely no choice.
I grabbed 2 fares from the mall just going locally.
Took a pimp to the store for cigarettes and right back to the hotel. He's been 'set up' there for a few weeks. Nice guy.
Drove a nice lady from the airport shuttle bus for a twelve dollar ride. She gave me fifteen.
Two more tiny-weenie local runs and then finally an airport pickup, but they were cheap bastards.
I don't know what's gonna happen man but I do know I have to stop tomorrow and pick up the meds because Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat and by then I'll be so happy Ill be whistling zippity do dah out of my...........................

Chicago Cab

Happy Thanksgiving

jai guru deva om

The work week has always seemed to me to be the most accurate measure of the passage of time. Lately they seem to be flying by faster than ever, picking up speed. Emptiness kept at bay by medication. Thoughts meandering like a restless wind inside a letter box.
I took Thursday night off to go to the Patriots game and it was a great game but the Pats lost a heartbreaker. Friday night I went back to work and did exactly ten calls in nine hours and made exactly enough money to survive another week.
Tomorrow begins week number 2,619.

combining

Waddaya want from me.

I had to drive this huge '94 caprice classic station wagon tonight. It's bigger than my apartment.
It handles like a boat but it's nice and comfortable big and roomy. The cigarette lighter works, so i can run my zen through the radio. The only thing I ask is that people address me as "Admiral."
Tonight's passenger list included:

• A couple going to the airport for a trip to Florida to visit his brother. She was acting very nervous because she's afraid of flying. They're a little worried that their son might possibly invite half the town for a 3 day party [memo to self: develop screenplay for 'home alone four']
• Next was a very pretty young lady who I'd had [in the cab] before. Nice. ya know, nice.
• A gent headed to the T from Weymouth spoke in Spanish on his cell phone for the 15 minute trip.
• A nurse that has been riding with us lately. Some kind of accent. Scandinavian? German? Something.
• The older lady who had visited her very elderly mother.
• A guy headed down to the yacht club to pick up his car. The wife would've driven him but she has wicked back pain. She's probably going to need surgery.
• A slightly mysterious, quiet man but a good tipper.
• The short term memory loss dude made stops for beer and smokes. He could easily have picked up the smokes at the liquor store but he forgot.
• And 4 other rides that have been edited out. Left on the cutting room floor as it were.
  

The Phillies won the world series. What else can i tell ya. Waddaya want from me.

estimation

I'll tell you about one person I won't ever forget.

Gertrude [not her real name] has been a regular for a long time, I don't know how many years. An older lady but she works almost every day. And once a week or so she works for a local lodge and sets up a huge dinner [usually we cabbies lug the groceries]
Many times we get the leftovers in our office :)
About a year ago there was a fire at her house and there was massive water damage. The house is still there but uninhabitable and the whole issue remains unresolved. A fine lady and a nicer Yankee fan you'll never meet. I'm grateful for all our conversations past and future. I nominate Gertrude as passenger of the month.

Four girls to the city.
Three Middle Eastern businessmen.
Two Turtle doves from the airport back to town. I'd driven them before, at least twice but they didn't remember me. They did all the talking. All I said was thanks and bye.
Immediately after those two yakety-yackers I drove a mysteriously silent couple who seemed new to the area and just a little 'off' creating an interesting study in contrasts.
Then there were two girls probably not even 20. One was drunk out of her mind and the other one was more or less babysitting her friend.
I was very glad there was no throw up involved.

tailgating

insisting

This dude was scary.
He looked like Peter Stormare's character in Fargo. Looking at me with that cigarette face in a smoky haze and talking in a scary language with a little English "I go motel nearest yes?"
Okay you go motel nearest yes.

some birthday pictures

unlimited

Ah yes the weekend. Yes yes yes.

Well, today I felt good in my tiny little mind. Driving around with a goofy grin.
I seem to be thinking positively about things lately. You know........... things.
Probably just jinxed myself. Be all depressed and shit next week. Ha ha oh well who cares.
National Lampoon's Vacation is on the TV. Remember when Chevy Chase used to be funny? The actor not the city in Maryland. Am I rambling? Don't answer that.
Today and tonight I met and drove people from Ireland, Seattle, Hong Kong, New York, England, and Tucson.
I also drove a person who is 2 days old [don't worry he wasn't all by himself]
Imagine the life that kid is gonna have. Probably might even see the next century. All that history not yet even written.
Then I met a young lady who is going to get paid $300 per day to be filmed for an infomercial about hair coloring products. Crazy world.

frantic

Sometimes I like to take the back roads home from work instead of the highway just for a change of pace and tonight was one of those times. Its a kick to drive on some empty windy roads late at night and inevitably I drive too fast. While flying down one of these [specifically Maple Street in Easton] I found myself reacting to something..... something out of the corner of my eye and with a massive rush of adrenalin I slammed on the brakes narrowly avoiding a huge deer that was in full gallop across my path. Must have been a big-old daddy deer. I tell you he was ten stories if he was a foot.

The other night I had a pick-up at a local bar and eatery. I pulled up and there was a young woman waiting with a man who it turns out worked at the establishment, maybe the manager, and he had taken her keys from her and called a cab [me] to get her home in one piece.
Despite being hammered she wanted no part of it and wanted her car keys immediately. She was refusing to get in the taxi until the gentleman threatened to call the police and the idea of jail wasn't appealing to her so she reluctantly slinked into the back.
I had to ask her 5 times where she lived before she would tell me but she did and seemed to settle down a little. Once on the highway she started getting agitated again, yelling and crying.
She started to yell "Let me out of here right now!"
I kept pushing the power lock button so she couldn't open the door and then totally frustrated she started to climb out the window. I reached back and tried to grab her while slowing down as fast as I could. We stopped and she continued out of the window and onto the highway so I grabbed my phone and went after her, walking with her to make sure she didn't wobble into traffic. She was crying hysterically so I just tried to say hey its okay. You're alright, just relax. I got the State Police on the phone and they pulled up pretty quick, two cruisers. At that point she was sprawled out on the road with me just standing there next to her. I told them the story and that I thought she was just scared and to their credit they acted quite compassionately. I stayed for a few minutes but there wasn't much to talk about. The situation spake for itself.

mechanism

One was from Portugal and the other two from Japan which seems like an odd combination at first glance but when you think about it it still doesn't make sense.
The two Japanese dudes and I talked enthusiastically about baseball whilst the other guy, the odd man out of the conversation tried to fit in by saying he liked the Yankees and the Chicago Cubes [sic]
Later I retrieved an Australian couple from a hospital emergency room. The emergency was of a personal nature and will not be posted here. I assure you everyone is alright.
They are touring the US and Canada for seven weeks. Sounds like a nice trip. They told me some cool stuff about Australia because people like to talk about their own stuff.
A guy I used to work with but haven't seen in quite a while hopped in at the traffic light. He owes me forty or fifty bucks from three years ago and he knows it. He told me he'd pay me as soon as he could. I said that's okay if you can man but no worries. I owe people money too so I can't rightly expect other deadbeats to pony up. We got to the destination and he fumbled around for the fare but he was a little short.

vague

All three of them crammed into the back seat. I woulda' made some room up front but I really didn't wanna. They argued back there the whole 15 minutes about different stupid shit so I just put them out of my mind until the transaction. At least they were semi quiet.

The next lady spoke only Spanish and the toddler she had with her was wicked loud and bouncin' all over the cab. He was too wound up, it was impossible to let my mind drift. I think she was just babysitting him and not the mother. Sister maybe.
Took a dude to Best Buy who was going there for a job interview. I wonder how a job like that would be. I mean selling TV's and shtuff.
Took a dude out to Westwood. He seemed a little off, I dunno. The conversation had no flow to it. It was as if he didn't know how and just when to make a transition to another subject. That's the best way I can explain it.
Later I drove a young lady to a house and the address seemed very familiar. It occurred to me that I used to pick up a 5th grade girl there along with a bunch of other kids when I used to drive a nightmare school van for the company. I remembered her name and I asked "Are you Brenna??" She said she was her sister and I recalled that there were 3 little sisters.
They grow up too damn fast. I think their father used to drive a cab.

postscript

Another airport pickup, likely the ten thousandth. Each one different. Like snowflakes.

Another engineer from India because we can't produce enough talented people.
Another ride to Boston: two people who probably studied in High School and ended up with good jobs and lives with houses and dogs and kids.
Another, a young lady, went to the Hilton. No tip. Go ahead to your fancy hotel and good luck with everything. Beatch. Sorry.
Later on this shady character gets in all drunk and drugged out. Kept on saying he wanted to go to a strip club but I told him by the time we get there they'll be closing down man. He has me pull over at some weird house, pays me and asks me to wait. I waited long enough for him to be out of the line of sight and cruised on outta there. I just had a bad feeling. Funny thing though. Best tip-o-the-night.
That was all Thursday night. Friday I dispatched. It was busy a lot of the time but I just kept my cool while pissing off half of the customers and all of the drivers.
You know my name look up the number.

appendix

Have you ever looked deep, deep into the mirror through your self and into your soul? Me neither.

Picked up the gracious Mrs. F. at the airport. She's a little kookie. Daft. Loopy. Doesn't make her a bad person but when she goes to D.C. to visit her kids and grand kids they send her back almost immediately. She can't help it, she doesn't know what to do since the good Doctor F. passed and so her mind races around looking for a place to land.

monochrome

I've had the worst back pain in my life for the last 3 days. I know about back pain but its never been enough to complain much about compared to what some people describe. Its radiating from one spot in my lower back. I dunno what caused it but I suspect its part of getting older. It feels on the mend but I have a sort of twinge in my neck now as well.

I had a fare tonight, this dude told me he was in charge of real estate for the federal government. Can he possibly telling me the truth on that? He seemed like some kind of agent. It felt like he knew things, had information that no one else had. Oh well.
In other news:

• The Red Sox lost in 14 innings falling 2 and a half games behind the Rays.
• Tom Brady is out for the season.
• The Republicans chose a pig with lipstick for their Vice Presidential candidate.
• I have to pee.

curia

I dispatched for a few hours this afternoon and then went on the road. I haven't felt good lately. Wicked bad allergies. A little depression creeping in but I fight that best I can. I ask myself who is in charge. Identify negativity and then don't feed it. Starve it to death by giving it no thought. Sometimes it works.
Somebody at work gave me some allergy medicine but didn't tell me it was the type that caused drowsiness and sometime around nine I started to feel it. It got worse and worserer and finally I had to pull over into a church parking lot and take a nap. It was only for about 45 minutes but man it was a really good deep sleep. By then it was almost midnight and I asked dispatcher Dave if I could rap it up for the evening and he obliged.
I only did 5 fares but 3 of them were long distance. Two Bostons and a Natick. One woman was from Phoenix but grew up in Chicago and I told her those are two of my favorite cities. Then there were 3 younger people from Germany going to the Hampton Inn. I like telling Germans that I'm mostly German myself and they always ask if I can speak the language. Wish I could.
Later a couple from Iceland heading to Boston. I never met so many damn Icelanders until this Summer. Its very strange. Oh well, who cares.

emotion

He was one of them you wonder what's keeping him alive. Nice enough old dude lit up a smoke and told of the massive heart attack he'd recently experienced. They told him he won't survive another one so we stopped to pick up some beer on the way home. No sense quiting now. What's he gonna gain maybe an extra month? A month or two of climbing the walls with no cigarettes and no beer? Some folks have a hard life. He's not much older than me.

bored

귀중한 전기 낭비

She wouldn't shut up. Not for 10 seconds. It must have been obvious that I wasn't listening but words kept coming out of her mouth hitting me like tiny darts. Please stop.
The three of them were at least half drunk on the way to the wake, all dressed up in their Sunday best. Have a nice time.
I asked the dude what country he was from, he said I should guess. He looked like a guru and I knew it was India. New Deli is called New Deli because the British thought the old Deli was too small and crowded so they added on.
They were a nice enough family returning from Orlando. Always beautiful this time of year [sheesh] the Dad had to sit in front with me. He opened up with some incoherent philosophy. One of us was crazy and it wasn't me.
The Irish have landed. The games take place this weekend at the cultural center. I took 4 to Quincy Market, dropped them at the Purple Shamrock.
Barely able to speak, the next dude wanted to go to a Chinese massage parlor. I drove around Chinatown looking up and down the little streets but I couldn't find anything. I took him back to his hotel and rolled him out.
I waited for these 3 Hindus for like 20 minutes and they finally came out and half way to the station one of them realized she didn't have her passport with her and that's what she uses for I.D. Back we went to retrieve it.
The young couple were from Alberta and thinking about a move to Boston.
The Texan wanted to go to a strip club but he was too low on cash so dropped him at a local bar instead.
The older couple returning from Vegas didn't win any money. She was 'up' one day but gave it all back and then some [Never heard that before]

invariably

Most of my shift felt wicked slow like it was a waist of time going to work but I stayed focused and it ended up being a good night. I got a 20 dollar tip from a nice lady headed back to Ireland where she lives in the countryside there. Took a fare from the mall to an apartment complex in Quincy which may as well be called Little India because there's thousands of Indians there. A lot of drivers don't like them much because they never tip but I like talking to them about India.

At 10:30 I took a nurse out to Metro West Hospital where she would work her second shift of the day. She does that three times a week. I've met many nurses who are always working doubles because they need the money and I guess there's a nursing shortage. Doesn't seem right somehow. Should we be having so many tired, exhausted nurses out there?
I figured that'd be it for the night for me because I got back to town right around 11:30 but I hung out for another hour and made another 30 bucks.
During the earlier slow period I decided to take a bunch of pictures mostly from around the front of the mall and strung them together with some music that doesn't really fit but here goes anyway:

canceled separating

Today I'd like to discuss that shuttle craft devise that they use at bank drive-ups. Those plastic pods that you put your money or your check or your license or whatever and beam it over to a waiting teller. Don't tell me you've never considered the possibility that we ourselves will be traveling in something like that in our lifetime because everyone has had that thought. That'd be so cool. But I don't want to talk about that now.

Zimbabwe used to be called Rhodesia and was a British colony until 1980. There was a little bit of fighting but Britain granted the country independence which makes it and America the only two former British colonies that are completely independent of their former host. I drove a dude to the airport that was from there originally but he lives in Norwood now. I told him I was born in Norwood. Which is true.

Later I happened to be heading to Faulkner Hospital with a package on ice from Harvard Vanguard 'till all of a sudden there arose such a clatter. There was a car fully engulfed in flames. A few cars passed by it but I didn't because it was cooking for real and I could hear pops, like little explosions. Pop pop pop. Others were on the scene first and dialing 9-1-1. I fished out my camera and rolled some video, praying to any being who may be greater than myself, that no one was inside the car. Afterward I called Channel 5 and told them I had some video of a car fire but they said it wasn't news unless there was more to the story than a burning car.

waiting crushing

I should have looked closer at the parking meter, a lousy quarter would have saved me twenty bucks. Most of them stop at 6pm but this freekin' one went to 8pm and sure enough. Bingo. Ticket. I even took a picture of the damn thing. Idiot.

Picked up two ladies at Babies Я Us. I can't believe people are still having babies despite all the noise.

smoke solid

Today there was this really weird family going to the airport for a trip to Vegas. They were big, loud talkers with a lot of phlegm in their heads. Two big goofy athletic boys saying dumb things with their phlegm-ish voices. Dumb parents saying dumb things to each other, and they all live in this big dumb house. Here's hoping they have a great time and win a few rounds of blackjack so they can buy some cough syrup.

Later I took a lady from the Police Station back to the mall where she had been busted for shoplifting earlier in the day. She went on and on about how it was all a misunderstanding. Her story was so polished and perfect that she had me believing her but its the judge tomorrow, not me, that she'll have to persuade.
Then I drove this dude who said he was a food runner and I said what's a food runner. He runs the food out from the kitchen to the tables and he says he really likes the job. He seemed a bit too old and maybe overqualified for such an occupation but if a person likes what he/she is doing for work then that's a home run man. I can relate to that.

After I dropped him at the subway station these 4 southern women crammed into the cab screaming and laughing in wicked heavy southern accents. I think one of them farted.

bag

The hillbilly said she wouldn't mind if I ran inside to pay my cable bill so I did. Another hundred bucks down the drain but its better than staring at the walls. Next, two local runs from the mall and then an airport run. It was 4:30 so I used my cabbie instincts and got there in no time. Its kinda like Spiderman's spidey sense [I have a spider in my shower window named Trevor and when he gets too big and scary I'll move him outside but for now its nice to know he's there keeping watch]

Later I drove a lady home who had apparently gotten a haircut and she wondered if they'd recognize her at home. Her hair didn't look like it'd been cut but who am I to judge.

Then I took Betty down to Seven Eleven and back because she needed her butts. I hadn't seen Betty in quite a while because I'm on the 2nd shift, so she said where have you been? hiding? Yup I've been hiding. I said when are you gonna quit smokin' those things and she said "Don't you start, I only smoke a couple packs a week." Okay Betty, smoke your brains out.
Next on the agenda was a man with a bad knee, took him a few minutes to get in the car. The knee is a very complex little machine. It was raining hard at that time so I pulled into the bus lane under the canopy so he wouldn't get drenched. Unfortunately for him he left his cell phone in the back seat so he had to drag that leg out to the ramp where I was now parked to get his phone back. Almost everyone leaves their cell phone in the cab and we have drawers full of them in the office.
Later, the hillbilly's brother got caught in the rain and called for a ride. Normally he walks the 5 miles home every day.
Grabbed a nice couple off the Logan bus going to the Radisson. They're from Spokane, here for a wedding. "That's in Washington" they said.
"I know where Spokane is lady. I spent a week there one night."

Then Kevin had me driving up and down Peach Street looking for number 39 and I'll be damned if I could find it so in the meantime I grabbed a Shaws supermarket getting my exercise for the day with 5 trips to the house. No sooner had I sat back down when I came to find out that the customer was on Peak Street, not Peach. An honest dispatching mistake.
Lastly, a couple guys from Chicago went to TGI Friday's. I told them the White Sox were winning 1-0 but they were Cub fans and couldn't be less interested.

herbie?

There's a wicked thunderstorm out there. On the drive home the sky was lit up like daylight and then the rain came. My wipers could barely keep up and I felt like I was under water. I like a good storm. God's fireworks. Earlier today I drove a lady that we call Herbie because she lives on Herbert Road, no one knows her real name. She told me she's terrified of thunderstorms because she heard that lightning can strike you while you are in your bed. Yeah, well ya gotta go somehow and that'd be pretty exciting wouldn't it? Herbie doesn't mind the thunder as much as the lightning and she seemed confused when I tried to explain they are the same thing, thunder being the sound from the lightning strike. Poor Herbie is probably laying awake right now waiting for that 50 million volts.

Drove a couple Brits over to F-One Boston. I need to check that place out sometime. Then, I took a lady to the airport who paid by credit card and so I noticed the last name Hyatt, like the hotel. Could she have been the Hyatt version of Paris Hilton?
My next fare was Herbie heading home to Herbert. Then I cruised the mall and found a dude headed up to Squantum and we must have talked about something but I forget now. I went back to the mall and there were 6 Britishers looking for an Indian restaurant because they hadn't had any decent curry since they'd been here so me and Radar took them over to Punjab.
Later I drove an Indian gent to a tattoo parlor in Abington so he could get some ink. Apparently tattoos are taboo back home but his was to be on his upper arm where no one would notice. A permanent souvenir from America I suppose. My last fare tonight was a young girl with a 6 week old little boy in tow. She couldn't have been more than 19, that can't be easy. She seemed fine with it though as if it was perfectly normal and I guess maybe it is.

Well, good night everyone and especially good night Herbie.

dark side?

Tonight I was merging onto I-93 from an on-ramp with the 2 right lanes closed. I had to get over and hope someone would back off and let me in and it was wicked dark, raining a little, traffic going along at 70-75. I saw someone flashing their lights and thought they were letting me in but they were flashing the lights to make sure I didn't merge in and to stay out of their way. I though about chasing them and briefly fantasized about running them off the road.

Why be positive when negative feels so much better [don't comment on that because I don't care]
On a side note: Why is it taking all summer to pave the expressway? Anyone? That's right, because they suck.
And while on the subject of negativity, I think the Manny trade was one of the biggest mistakes the Red Sox have made since trading Ruth and I hope they miss the playoffs. I predict an all Los Angeles World Series with the Dodgers winning in six. In the immortal words of Mo Vaughn, "Stupid Boston fans."
Lets see, what else.

• Of the 19 people in my cab tonight, I hated 17 of them.
• I dislike my bosses profusely.
• The cabs all suck.
• I don't give a damn about any elections.
• Bruce Springsteen sucks.
• Thats about it.

holiday?

My friends, before I take leave of my senses I am taking a vacation from that rolling insane asylum called work. I don't get paid for any time away therefore this is not a vacation in the ordinary sense, but merely a time of relaxation and quiet reflection.
I was able to attend a concert in New York on Tuesday night but that will be the extent of any travels this time around [I'd still like to get away sometime in Autumn for a few days]
And so here I lye awake. Again. In the middle of night mind racing, chasing ideas and getting trapped by those two thieves in the night, worry and regret. The Exorcist is on AMC but I have the sound turned down and only glance occasionally at the screen because that chick is just too scary man and every 12 minutes there's another commercial for penis enlargement.

So, I'll lay here and think about everything and nothing at all and maybe scribble a few ideas or plans to reinvent myself. Later I'll walk around the apartment, look out the window for a while. I might sleep before its light, that'd be wicked outta sight.

Drunks and losers,
Dwarves with limps,
Flos and ho's and one eyed pimps
Down the alleyway they creep.
They're all your friends when you can't sleep.
Come with me and you will see.
A late-night-freak-show-Jubilee!
Kick the Sandman in his sack;
Stay up late - Insomniac!
[theme song from Dave Attell Show]

At the very least I don't have to work for the next 3 days and that's good because like Miller says "the more you drive the less intelligent you are."

definitely?

This new dispatcher takes a bit of getting used to. I should have the job anyway but thats another story and as long as he's got it I'll play along. He's a pretty good dispatcher but there never seems to be a good 'flow' to the way he works. No rhythm. I mean man I drove for 10 hours without hardly stopping. He doesn't subscribe to what I call the "drive a while/rest a while" theory and I'm not the only one who says that. Dispatching is an art form. I'm not sure what that means but it sounds good. The money has been good but I hardly even have a chance to count it and getting home so late leaves no time for anything. Just sleeping and driving. Driving and sleeping.
For starters today I drove 'the smoker' (remember the guy with the palm tree?) home to Weymouth. Then a fare to Wollaston. Next a short $4.50 job but it all adds up.

Picked up at a hotel for the airport and partway there the dude realized that they overcharged him for the room so he got on the phone with them right away. You really have to watch yourself these days with these crooks running everything.

Pouring rain coming back from Logan. Finally got back and did 3 local runs. It all adds up.

Next a couple of Indian dudes loaded everything they own into the taxi, moving to more permanent residence in an apartment instead of a hotel. That was followed by 2 more local jobs. It all adds up.
Finished up with a nice one from Holbrook to Quincy and then an airport pick up. The guy I picked up at Logan used to use us all the time and I hadn't seen him in, I don't know, 80 years. Turns out he was able to leave work and study for 3 years for a degree in biochemistry. He works with scientists and lab mice and rats and bacteria and viruses. These scientists are such geniuses and he's at a level where he can fake that he knows what they're talking about. I suppose that's true for most of us.

list of minor characters

First fare was a woman from Tokyo, just like the song (there are no good versions on YouTube) I'd like to go there but she said it's very expensive and that I should stay here.

Later that same day I took a couple to Logan, they go every year to visit the old country. I learned from them that the dry cleaning business is "way off."
A blind albino dude fell asleep on the commuter train and ended up at the wrong station and had to call a cab (me) to get him back on track.
Picked up a mother and daughter at the mall going to Phipps Street. Phipps Street is one of my all time favorite streets. Its flat for a while at the bottom but then it goes up a huge hill, does a quick left-right then heads up the hill even further. Wicked narrow. Reminds me of Fitchburg. In the Winter its unbelievable. Thats right I have favorite streets. I'm a weirdo. Phipps is a fun word to say. Go ahead and try it at home by yourself or with a friend.

curious chloride

There were 5 well dressed Mexican gentlemen but since we can only take 4 people per cab I called for another unit. They were nice enough guys, talking with each other in Spanish most of the time but not forgetting to include a little English for my sake. I was thinking about how everyone is always going on and on about illegal immigration and how it seems to me that to vilify one group of people, blame them for all our problems is one of the first steps in creating a fascist state. A truly great nation welcomes everybody.
Later I drove a man to the airport who was picking up his wife and kids returning from a vacation in The Philippines. They are from there originally and he'd been working overtime to afford this trip for his family. He asked if I'd been there and of course I haven't. I've had friends stationed there in the past but the bases are gone now. He nodded and said in less than perfect English: yeah yeah.....bases gone.
Drove a young lady, a Torontonian, to Boston and we got to talking about this and that and then I missed the turn-off for her hotel. It cost me 5 bucks too to come back through the tunnel. I told her how sorry I was that I messed up but it was no big deal.
Picked up at the mall going to Canton which with the new rates is $35 but when we got to the house she tossed 30 bucks at me and disappeared into the night before I could do anything. With that big fancy house, she needs the fiver more than I do.
My last fare was a regular nightly customer. He was drunk out of his mind and he started laughing at everything. It was infectious because pretty soon I started laughing and we both couldn't stop. I don't even know what was so funny but it made sense at the time.
I think laughter could save the world or at least your soul. Go ahead you there at home, try it. Ha ha ha. Feel better? No? Oh well who cares.

a lust for powder

I smell a rat. Power politics are in full bloom at work but I find that I can continue working there if I throw up just a little in my mouth before turning the corner into the parking lot and as long as no one in the office talks to me. Yeah I'm being childish. Because I smell a big giant rat.


Today's cast of characters included a school teacher, an FDIC agent from New York, a medical devices executive of British origin, a drunkard, a housewife with two full carriages of groceries, a giant rat and a guy named Pat.
And, while not all of them lived happily ever after, they did get to where they wanted to go this afternoon and this evening.

dog day afternoon

natural gas

There's a natural gas pipeline project going on out in the harbor. All these good ole' boys from Texas are in town because if there's one thing them Texans know about its pipelines. I had three separate trips, all of them heading to bars and other drivers took a lot of them too. It seems as though we are always being invaded, descended upon by one group of people or another. One week it could be thousands of Irish for the annual North American Gaelic games competition. Next there could be a huge convention in town like the Democratic National Convention a few years back or some computer geek show. For now we'll see about these Texans and find out about them and their strange ways. Most importantly we'll find out if they tip.

One gent in particular, let's call him Tex, was chatting up a friend on his phone and explaining that he expects to be so drunk that he'll be walkin' like a three legged chicken and he might have two black eyes when he leaves the bar.
I hope they tip.

Today I overslept and was subsequently late to work. Work starts at 2 O'clock in the afternoon.
Ha ha.

dying for the emperor

What can I tell ya. It was over 90 degrees today and I got stuck with unit 186. you have to go under the hood and whack the AC about every 10 minutes or so to keep it running and even then its not too cold. Supposedly they assigned me unit 189 which is a nice clean car and everything works in it. The AC could freeze you to death in that thing but today they gave it to someone else whom shall remain nameless. Don't make a promise you're not going to keep. Its hard enough talking myself into going to that miserable place every day. I practically throw up in my mouth whenever I get close to the office. All I want is to get in and out with a decent cab and be on my way.
Someone peed inside unit 184 over the weekend. It is now piss cab.

chemical playschool

A lot of kids seem shady at first, then they turn out to be fine but with this punk I had a bad feeling and I was right. The sack of sh*t had no money. Tried to pass me some phony credit card number without even having the card. Nineteen bucks out the window and with today's gas prices.

But I don't care, I'm living the dream. People will be people and none of us can pretend to be innocent without lying to ourselves. Those are the biggest lies.
Then they gave me a package to take up to Malden. Big thunderstorms were all around with hail and damaging winds; several thousand customers lost power, mostly in Gloucester, Newton and Watertown. I drove right into one of those monsters whilst on the expressway with traffic almost stopped, barely creeping along, pretty exciting.
Mostly I crept all the way there and back. Three and a half hours. Living the dream.

(I ate too much junk today but tomorrow is another day)

After six or seven o'clock or so business dropped off to nothing, prompting cabbies from all points to gather and whine about not making any money and other things as well. When we get together we're worse than a damn sewing circle.
Finally some work came up and I picked up some folks returning from Orlando, which is a real Micky Mouse town. Tampa, on the other hand, seems suddenly to have a baseball team but I digress.
They were a nice family, taking vacations and living in a nice big house. Living the American dream.
Good night you useless sacks of protoplasm.

mona

Pulp Fiction is on TV and with all the dirty words still left in it. Heck, I can watch it anytime because I have the VHS but I forgot how great it is until tonight. Wait, the bastards just edited a word. Dammit why can't they show the film the way it was intended? Isn't free speech guaranteed around here?

Anyway, It's a great movie but not as good as Reservoir Dogs, Quentin Tarantino's Mona Lisa. His Sgt. Pepper, if you will.

It was a weird day and I'm wicked tired so I have to type quickly. I'm typing more than 400 words per minute right now.
The new fare increase took effect today but it didn't help much. People saw the increase and they simply tipped less. More on this subject as I try to survive.

She was talking on the phone loudly and saying stuff like "You need to give me some money you douche bag because it was your fault and I have NO money do you understand me you douche bag?!"
After a while she gave up and said "Just forget it I don't want the money you douche bag" and hung up.
She told me she hates everybody.
"What did I do?"
"Not you."

I'll never know for sure if the douche bag ever gives her the money.

drunk monkies

Upon witnessing my apparent suffering, a passenger explained to me that back in her country people often mix ginger in water and then boil it and afterward they add a little lemon and this substance is known to boost the immune system. She said that her husband and kids hardly ever get a cold even in Winter and it should help me with my allergies.
And because I care, I'm going to try it out so you don't have to.

Thank you. You're welcome. Shut up.

lawnmower massacre

Looking up from my newspaper I noticed a man dressed kinda like a priest walking toward my cab at a pace faster than could be considered normal, and with big thick silly glasses and a crazy grin. Crazy bastard shorted me 50 cents.

Later, three nutty Icelandic women were laughing hysterically in Icelandic for an entire 20 minute ride. They could've told me what was so funny, or at least given me some free ice.

happy father's day

Had my mojo working today: didn't even get out of the parking lot at work when a lady of South Asian origin waved me down and asked how much to North Station. I said thirty seven and the amount seemed actually to hurt her. There was pain in her face as she said okay lets go but she continued asking me for a discount for quite some time after that. I said no about 6 times and she stopped asking but I wish I kept the argument going because it was fun.
When I returned from Boston my next fare was a lady at a super market who was tremendously grateful to see me because there was a really creepy guy sitting on the bench. "How creepy, where is he?" I asked.
Nodding "Right there on the right" she said and I have to admit as creeps go he was right up there.
Drove a nice lady from Lethbridge Alberta out to the Hilton. She is a consultant for the health care industry. There is no one quite as evil as a consultant for the health care industry but she was pleasant to me and heck she deserves to make a living.
Later I was driving John to North Weymouth when a police car spun around and pulled us over. I started getting my license and taxi license ready thinking maybe i ran a stop sign or whatever but the cop comes around the right side and shines his light on John. He looked him over and said thats not him, sorry for the inconvenience and waved me on. Apparently someone ran from a stolen car and got away from the police. No worries. The BPD always gets its man.

The past weekend was very special for two of the greatest people on the planet:
Happy Fathers Day Dad, I love ya!
And, Happy birthday Kevin -- Your party was awesome buddy!

Peace and loving kindness to all of you.

Too Much Monkey Business

As I type this nonsense I'm having a Del Monte Fruit Natural Tropical Medley for a snack and I know what you're thinking: Damn Rick, ain't ya got no cookies? Well, ya. I do but its eating healthy for me now. One day at a time man.
After the sun had set last night it cooled right down and it felt almost magical out there and with the windows rolled down I prowled the streets in search of victims (whoops) i mean customers.

Early in the shift there were some business people to be driven to an office building for their important little meeting. Of course, the world would come to an end if there weren't enough business meetings because Lord knows there is business to be done.
Soon enough though some other people came along: A waitress headed to work to start her shift and then a young lady going to the Amtrak Station heading back to New York. She was talking to her mother on the cell phone and then suddenly hung up on her and I said "Poor Mom!"
She looked at me and said "What?! You should hear her! She's so annoying!"

Then I picked up a girl who looked just like Lindsay Lohan so I said you know, you look just like Lindsay Lohan when she was still cute. She said yeah a lot of people say that.
A while later I took two ladies, one from Australia and one from New Zealand. They're with a tour group and they went to meet some friends for dinner in the North End. We talked a lot about this country and how much they liked it. Big and wonderful but they found themselves amazed at how backward we are in some areas of society such as the level of poverty, the health care system or lack thereof and the war. I told them we're working on it. Hopefully we can regain the respect of the world in November.
Next there were two Indian gentlemen headed to Punjab, an Indian style restaurant in Quincy. Punjab is a State in northern India in case you were wondering. I went later to bring them back to their hotel and they said it was very good. Just like home. I should check it out sometime.
My last fare of the evening were two folks that I had met the day before. This time they tried to sell me on some internet scam. They said they'd make me a millionaire but they needed $500 to get me started. Sounds like too much monkey business for me to be involved in.

Fifty

I had a nice relaxing three days away from work but today it was back to reality. My family and friends treated me to a very special day on Saturday for my birthday. I'm very grateful to have them, it was a wonderful time.

The Cup

The Red Wings won The Stanley Cup last night. In case you don't remember what that feels like watch this:

Annual Report

Well jeez its been a while since last we chatted and what can I tell ya'.

Lately I've been dispatching instead of cab driving so work is more about trying to manage job stress than meeting people with interesting little stories to talk about and pass on to you, the reader.
Of course, everyone has a story and the drivers that I deal with every day are no exception. Much like snowflakes, they're all different. I'm considering writing a series of driver profiles that will include complete psychological evaluations so be on the lookout for that soon.
Anyway(s) that stress that I mentioned there a while back, is mostly under control. There's a lot of tension now because the police are conducting their annual cab inspection on Friday so management is in panic mode.
But I am impervious to theses waves of panic. Because of my magic underpants.

Goodnight ya bastids.

Resurrection

Tonight was my first night back driving after two weeks on the desk and it took a while to get back into the groove.

There was the usual assortment of humanity:
A young nurse going to work at a hospital and talking the whole time on her cell phone with an x-boyfriend telling him over and over about 10 times that they could be friends but that's all. Apparently he was very persistent.
There was the man traveling to New Jersey to work on installing systems that remove unwanted junk in the air in old buildings. They call that mechanical engineering.
There was the guy from Los Angeles with a ticket to the Celtics game saying he hopes there is a Celtics-Lakers final because although LA has been at or near the top for some time, its not the same without having the Celts to hate!
And then there was the lady in her pajamas who decided at the last minute to go home to her apartment rather than stay at her mom's house. She hoped her pajamas didn't bother me. I don't mind pajamas in fact I'm quite in favor of them. Once a week everyone should be allowed to wear them to work. Lets say Monday.

Flapping moth in slow motion:

Rain

First thing today I looked outside and saw that it was raining, just a little. Like a runny nose. It bummed me out. Hell, I knew the forcast but it was upsetting anyway. I left home early to do some errands before work and I wanted to get there early to make up for being late yesterday. Work sucked but I won't even try to express the amount of suckness i had to endure because you all have your own problems and you certainly don't need to hear mine.

I stopped at Dunkins and I thought it was about time I tried out the new pizza they have there. It wasn't bad at all. I'd get another one. Maybe a hundred.Who remembers the snow storm that occurred 31 years ago today? There was around a foot or so on the ground in the morning but I made it to work anyway and when my friend and I started toward the door someone came out waving frantically and saying get out of here man because they're going to close down for the day if not enough people show up! It didn't take much convincing on his part and we spun outta there! Greatest feeling in the world!

This is where we worked:

Will Dispatch for Food

I'm dispatching for a few weeks because the regular guy is in hospital. He's doing okay but he needs some time to rehab, so there i am. My good friend Benny said it best when he said "its like being a waiter and then going into the kitchen". 'Spatchin' is more stressful than driving a cab. More responsibility. I like it for a change of pace. I think I'm pretty good at it. Its all about keeping your cool when you're 7 calls behind and some of them have been waiting over a half an hour and some are regular customers and some are important accounts and 4 lines are ringing and 3 drivers are calling on the radio and 2 other ones are lost or missing and someone else has a flat tire in Methuen in a blizzard.

Last night a lady called to inquire if it would be alright to have an animal with her in the cab. Thinking she meant either a dog or cat I told her it was okay unless the thing might puke or something and she said oh no no nope. It is a dog. But the thing is, there is also an alligator. Its okay. Its in a box. Very safe. Even the dog is more dangerous.
Ma'am you'll have to call back during business hours and speak with the manager because I'm quite certain that I do not have the authority to make that decision. Thanks for calling.

An ugly match tonight between the Celts and Cavs but a win is a win man. Click here for the Cleveland perspective.

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Thanks going out to the Boston Bruins for a great series. Game six at the Garden was as enjoyable a hockey game as I've seen in 20 years. We were going crazy where I was watching.

In a city saturated with winners, the B's have put themselves back on the sporting radar and man next year we'll take it to the next level.

Taxi driving is like a box of chocolates.
I drove an Indian dude to the airport for a flight back home to Mumbai. Mumbai used to be called Bombay but they changed it. He's flying through Amsterdam which is a pretty wild place to hang out but he can't leave the airport unless there's a delay or something. I wished him a safe journey.
Later I had an Aussie couple just going to one of the local hotels. Ya gotta like that crazy accent.
I started to get bored because work was slow and my mind started wandering and thinking about leaving early. Mister Dispatcher Man said I could take off. Stopped at Subway on the way home for a turkey sandwich. Sandwich is also a town on Cape Cod and it is spelled the same way.
I'm taking tomorrow off, its supposed to be at least 80 degrees. Nice.

Human Cannonball

Mary is a nice ole' gal that calls us from the old timers home almost every day to go out either to the bank, CVS or the packy but mostly just to go out. Today was packy day so off we went and on the way she told me about some kind of problem she's having with her ears. From what I could understand there had been some sort of procedure leading to considerable discomfort now. She remarked that she hadn't seen me for a while and asked how i was and I said I'm doing okay and what a nice day but she thought I said I'd just had an x-ray and she became more concerned, leaned over and whispered oh my is everything alright? Yeah I'll be fine.

Then Billy sent me down to pick up someone named Marcia from Talbots corporate offices in Hingham.
Arrived to find two gentleman waiting neither one of whom looked like a Marcia but these days who knows. Ya just do what ya gotta do and keep your mouth shut.
(what the hell am I talking about?)
A little later I grabbed a fare at Logan Express going to Canton. He saw the name on my hackney license and said hello Dick, I'm Nick. I said hello Nick and if you call me Dick again you'll be walking to Canton. (just kidding dad)
Thought I was impressive with my knowledge of all things Canton but even a mutual acquaintance in Marty Badoian wasn't enough to warrant more than a 15% tip.

Venus

Tonight was a nice night in the ol' cab. It was a little warmer than it's been lately and so I had the window rolled down most of the time just diggin' the breeze man. The people all seemed like they were happy and feeling good. I don't know. Maybe it was Utah.

The shift didn't start off so good because I locked the damn keys in the damn cab when I went in for a damn coffee.
That took about a half hour to resolve and I was off and running.
Someone called from the Sheraton for a ride to the Wrentham Outlets and I was wicked happy because that's 70 bucks, plus whatever tip they see fit. Well, when I informed her of the price she decided it was too much money and changed her tiny little mind.
But hey that stuff happens and ya just gotta roll with it. I headed into the airport and picked up a gentleman returning from a day of business in Pittsburgh. He's a speechwriter for the president of a big bank out there. There's a job for ya. Maybe I could do that. Anyways there was no traffic so we zoomed back to Braintree and talked about sports on the way.
Later I picked up a Navy family who had been moving all around the world from base to base, town to town for decades. Now they're going to settle down in Massachusetts and I thought that was really cool. Of all the nice warm places to live, they chose here.
I forget what else I was gonna say and I'm getting tired. I should sleep but there's a show on the telly about UFOs that I'm gonna check out for a while. I'll probably fall asleep here on the couch. Maybe I'll dream of something to blog.
Probably not.

Smokers

People often ask if its okay to have a smoke in the cab and I almost always say yeah go ahead, smoke your brains out what do I care. I like for my people to be comfortable during our time together and as long as they blow most of the smoke out the window they're only hurting themselves.

I picked up a smoker and he wanted to stop at BJ's on the way home and pick up a plant because they're on sale for $19.99.
Myself, I've never had any luck with plants. Its a commitment I'm not ready to make.
So anyways, we stop and he comes right out in 10 minutes with this thing and what it is is a majesty palm tree. Huge thing sticking out the back right window almost hitting the other cars, everybody watching this thing going down the street.
So now he's got his friggin' majesty palm.
Next I drove this kid Kevin to work at Pizzaria Uno. He always likes to talk about the Bruins which is fine with me. Likes the B's more than all the other Boston teams put together. Very knowledgeable.
Then these 4 punks were headed to Faneuil Hall to continue their 4 day Saint Patrick's Day party. At first I had the idea that they were the types that might run on me but it ended up to be my best tip of the night. Just goes to show ya. I'm not sure what, but it does.

Right about then the Celts game started so I fired up the radio and spent a good minute carefully tuning it in and adjusting the bass, treble and balance to perfection. The Spurs jumped out to a 22 point lead in the first quarter so I switched the station for a while thinking it might change their luck.
Drove two gentlemen from Charlotte to dinner at a local steak house. They were radio men with those million dollar radio voices. We talked a little about ballparks around the country and I had to say Wrigley Field is my favorite.
I picked up supper for the dispatcher and then he sent me down to Uno's to pick up John for North Weymouth. Everybody likes that run because its a pretty quick hit at that time of night and the meter cranks up pretty good.
My last fare were 3 European shoppers loaded down with big bags of stuff from the mall. I tell ya these folks are coming over by the thousands.
About that time I checked back in on the C's hoping that somehow they were making a game of it. They were within 7 and I listened as it went back and forth in the 4th quarter, a great war between two NBA powerhouses. Celts pulled it out by 2 points despite KG throwing the ball away on an inbound and giving the Spurs a chance to win it on a last second Robert Horry three pointer. Noooo!! Celtic Nation's collective life flashed before its collective bloodshot eyes as the shot clanged off the rim.

All in all a good night for everybody.

Peace to you my friends. Drive safe.
Gute Nacht.

Little Yellow Tomatoes

The dollar is so weak now that people are flying over here from Europe just to do a little shopping. Its unbelievable, I see it all the time. Sure they might take in a few sights here and there but the main reason for their trip is to buy a few dozen shopping bags worth of clothes.

Weirdness. Well I'm sure the hotels and department stores are happy enough when they show up. And its great for the cabbies.

I picked up one of our regular customers tonight at the airport, a bit of an a-hole but he's usually alright. It reminded me of the last time I drove him and the Mrs and I had to wait for them for quite a while because it was a last minute emergency trip and they weren't quite ready. They said I could walk around their yard if I wanted to, which is really beautiful with gardens all around and a big old barn and it was a wicked nice Summer day too. They said I should try a couple of these little yellow tomatoes so I did and they were very good. Very tasty. I don't know why I'm mentioning all this except that it was just one of those cosmic moments in time.
I reminded them of those tomatoes tonight and they said that they hoped they could get the same seeds again this year. Maybe they're rare 'round these parts, I dunno.

Well thats all I've got for now. Bonne nuit mes amis.

Charlie

I started out the shift with a waitress heading home after a tough day. She'd been ripped off on a fifty dollar check by some kids who left a gift card on the table and split but there was no value on the card. It gets busy and I guess its easy to lose track of everyone and they got away. Little bastids.
Then everything started fitting together perfectly with one fare going into the airport and one coming back and that's pissa because I get to charge both of them for the Ted Williams Tunnel toll but only pay it once. Well, that's not really a big deal but its always nice to get paid both ways. The folks going home were Irish Americans returning from a visit there. There were 5 of them all together and it ain't all that legal to take that many people because there aren't enough seat belts. But there's what's right and there's what's right and so when we passed by the policeman at the entrance to the HOV lane one of the kids had to duck down and they all made the poor girl cry by telling her the police were going to take her away! Uh oh here they come! Oh No!

Then I took a couple guys into Boston Garden to catch a Bruins game. They had a few brews on the way in and I said I'd take care of the empties. The B's beat up the Sens by the way 4-0.
So I gets back to Braintree and pulls up in front of the Plaza and I gets out to get rid of the beer cans and somehow, for some weird reason I throws my keys away with the trash.
Idiot.
At the same moment a gentleman comes up and wants a ride to Copley Place, so the two of us are picking through the garbage looking for the keys.
We found them and off we went and this is turning into a good money night.
This guy has lived in India, England, Africa, New York, Boston, Scotland and I forget where else. He imports fish, mostly from South America to Africa and is in town for the big Fish Convention. He talked about a great paying job he once had in banking and that one day he just up and quit on the spot to become a fisherman in the Shetland Islands in Scotland. It was a very inspiring story that made me think man I could do anything I want. Anything. Dammit why don't I? Because of fear? Why? WHY?!
Sorry.

I went back to the Plaza and picked up two nice young college girls. You know, nice.
They had purchased a puppy at the mall and on the ride home were thinking of possible names for him. They settled on Charlie because he looked like a Charlie. I said for them to be sure to pronounce it with a Boston accent because he's a Boston dog. Chahlie. Am I right? But, they were from somewhere else so the pooch will probably forever be Charrrrlie. Poor little guy.

I hope everyone is doing fine and winning all their private battles.
Buona notte.